You Don't Need a Party Hat to Eat Cheesecake (Recipe Included)

It annoys me to no end when it takes me 10 minutes to scrolls past a food blogger's life story to get to the stupid recipe, so I'm not going to do that to you.  If you care to hear me carry on about the silly thing, I shall do so after the recipe. 

For the rest of you who have better things to do with your day... you're welcome.

Caramel Apple Cheesecake

Behold.  The No-Special-Occasion Caramel Apple Cheesecake.

Crust:

2 C fine crumbs Pumpkin Spice Frosted Flakes (roughly 5 C whole), or regular plus and a bit of Pumpkin Pie Spice
1 C fine crumbs Crispix
3+ T unsalted butter, melted

Preheat oven to 350.  Pulverize the cereal in a food processor until very fine.  Mix in the butter (If the mixture doesn't stick together when you pinch it, add a T more of melted butter).  Press into bottom 8x8 square pan and slightly up the sides.  Pop that baby in the oven for 5 minutes.  Cool.

Caramel:

1 C sugar
5 T unsalted butter, room temperature
1/2 C sour cream, room temperature

In saucepan, melt the sugar over lowish heat.  Stir frequently.  After a while, it will start to melt.  Keep stirring until all of the sugar clumps are liquidy and it's a gorgeous amber color.  Cut the butter into about 8 small clumps and gradually add them in.  Keep stirring and adding until all the butter has been incorporated.  Remove the pan from the heat and gradually add the sour cream. Voila!  Caramel sauce!  Let it cool for a few minutes in a glass bowl.

Apples:

2 large apples (I used gala because that's basically all I buy), or 3 medium/smallish apples
1 1/2 T brown sugar
1 T unsalted butter

Heat cast iron skillet on low heat.  While it's warming, peel your apples and cut into small chunks (bigger than a dice).  Toss the apples, sugar, and butter into the skillet and stir.  Stir occasionally and cook until apples are slightly darker, soft, and smell radiant. 

Walnuts:

1/3 C walnut pieces
1 T sugar
2 t unsalted butter

In skillet, heat ingredients together, stirring constantly, until sugar has melted and coated the walnuts.  Spread out on sheet of wax paper and let cool.  Resist urge to just eat them all.

Filling:

18 oz cream cheese, room temperature
1 T sour cream
2 large eggs (or 3 egg yolks if you've got 'em lying around)
2ish T brown sugar
1 t vanilla
1/4 t cinnamon

Beat cream cheese and sour cream in mixer until smooth and creamy.  Add eggs and beat until incorporated.  Add brown sugar (more to taste if you like it sweeter), vanilla, and cinnamon. 

Cheesecake, assemble!!  On top of cooled crust, pour thin layer of caramel and spread with the back of a spoon-- just enough to cover all of the crust.  Tilt and turn to make sure it gets to all edges and corner.  Sprinkle some of apple chunks over the caramel.  Add about 1 T of caramel into the cream cheese and pour 2/3 filling evenly over top (you may need to spread around into pan with spatula.  Reserve 1 T of caramel, but pour the rest into the remaining 1/3 filling and mix (do not scrape out caramel container yet).  Add remaining apples to mixture and spread onto pan. 

Take reserved T of caramel and drizzle over filling.  In the bowl that held the caramel, toss the walnuts in and stir to coat in what's left of the caramel.  Sprinkle around pan.  Put cheesecake in the over until set, about 45-50 minutes.  Cool completely and refrigerate for several hours until chilled.

*      *      *

You made it!  Hopefully, by now you're enjoying the fruits of your labor and the kitchen fairy has taken care of the mountain of dirty dishes that this recipe amassed.  (Sorry about that).  Cheesecake is a funny thing.  It's one of those desserts that seems to carry with it this ridiculous notion that you need a special occasion to partake in one.  That's nonsense.  Side note: It's also one of those things that some dessert snobs tend to think a plain New York Style Cheesecake is the best there is.  Those people are wrong.  I'd take one banging Pumpkin Cheesecake with a Paula Dean-amount of butter in the crust any day.  Key Lime Cheesecake?  Praise Jesus.  And I'd give my fourth toe for Chocolate Raspberry Truffle Cheesecake.

Anyway, this recipe came about because I happened to find a box of Pumpkin Spice Frosted Flakes on clearance for $1.25, heard my weight's worth in apples calling to me from the crisper drawer, had leftover spiced walnuts from the week's salad lunches (if you're going to eat salad for lunch, why not throw on nuts cooked in sugar and butter, amiright?), was pondering how to use those three lonely yolks left over from an egg-whites only recipe, and had exactly 1/2 C + 1 T of sour cream (and no cream, which is usually what is used in making caramel) left that was about to go bad. 

And I needed something to bake something that was gluten free.  

And for the love of all that is Fall, apples and caramel and walnuts are a fantastic combination.

And cheesecake is amazing and life is too short to wait until you're dressed all fancy or wearing a party hat to eat cheesecake.  

So if you have looked at this recipe and said to yourself, "I love a good cheesecake, but this recipe is about 12 miles long," fear not.  Change the silly thing.  By all means, alter it to your heart's delight!  Don't layer it if you prefer not to!  Use graham crackers instead of cereal!  Go crazy and add more cinnamon!  Use more apples!  Use store-bought caramel!  

(Actually, no, don't do that.  Homemade caramel is easy, cheap, and SO MUCH MORE FREAKING DELICIOUS). 

Ultimately, I jotted this down so I can remember what I created and do it again in the future.  But hopefully you're able to make some ordinary day more extraordinary.

Chocolate-Salted-Caramel-Cream-Cheese Brownie Frosting

Okay guys.  The greatest thing just happened.  This thing is Chocolate-Salted-Caramel-Cream-Cheese Brownie Frosting, and shall henceforth be dubbed the "All You Could Ever Want in a Frosting."  So shall it be.

Who's coming over to die of happiness with me?

Problem #1

After a particularly incredible football-watching afternoon, in an attempt to continue the merriment, naturally, I thought, "Chocolate!"  Problem #1: The only chocolate in this house is in the form of unroasted cocoa beans or unsweetened cocoa powder.  Solution: Brownies.  The recipe I used wasn't to die for, and I certainly won't be saving it, but it served its purpose.  Measure, stir, pour, and bake those puppies. 

Problem #2
The recipe called for a frosting, and considering they looked like they'd come out on the cakey side (I happen to believe that a brownie cannot claim to be unless it is fudgy and chewy).  Frosting is a subject on which I excel.  A great frosting can amplify any confection it is placed on, and the possibilities are unending.  This particular recipe looked a bit lackluster.  Solution: Let the creative flow.

Problem #3
I had a tiny bit of left over salted caramel that had been in my refrigerator since the July 4 cupcakes filled with salted caramel and I wanted my container back (one does not simply dispose of homemade caramel). Solution:

--------------------------------------------------------

All You Could Ever Want in a [Brownie] Frosting
  2 Tbsp unsalted butter, softened
  1/4 tsp vanilla
  2 tsp cocoa powder
  <1 tsp water or milk, if needed for consistency
  1 1/2 Tbsp salted caramel sauce (or other comparable recipe)
  4 heaping Tbsp confectioners sugar
  2 oz cream cheese, softened

Using paddle attachment in mixer, beat butter and vanilla until smooth; add cocoa powder.  Once mixed through, add half confectioners sugar.  While mixer is on, drizzle caramel in until mixed thoroughly.  Add remaining sugar to reach desired sweetness, and then beat in cream cheese.  Spread on warm brownies.  Cool slightly, and then enjoy your sugar coma.*

--------------------------------------------------------

*Note: If you try this and make adjustments, I'd love to know how it turned out!

Cheapskate

I am a self-proclaimed cheapskate.  In areas where I have primary jurisdiction over spending money, I do what I can to not pay more than is necessary for things.  I had a three-minute soul search earlier this week over whether to purchase a shirt that was 70% off the regular price at Kohl's, plus an additional 20%.  I really liked the shirt, but it was $9.  Knowing I could probably find similar item for  less at Goodwill made me think twice... And thrice... And whatever comes after thrice.  (I wound up getting it, and no, have not looked back since).  Being a good steward of money is important to me, but so is my time.  Extreme couponing and traveling to a grocery store just for one item that is a great price isn't worth the trade off.

Having said that, I've picked up several household and food-related tips that save us money and time (in the long run).  I'm aware that there are limitless websites that contain similar ideas.

1- The freezer is your friend.  When they are in season, I find a farmers market or pick-your-own place, get a buku of stuff, peel, chop, bag, and freeze.  (Many friends who swear by canning because of the threat of power failures and the potential to lose everything.  What can I say?  I like living dangerously).  This year, I did peaches, raspberries (red and purple), blueberries, blackberries, peaches (diced and pie filling) peppers (bell and various hot), tomatoes, pumpkin, apples (in the form of applesauce, pie filling, and apple butter) and onions.  The only painful one is onions, but grab a candle, crackers, tissues, chemistry goggles, or whatever helps you get through a big bag of tear-inducing veggies.  I've got all I need for the year and got it at low prices.  It's ready to use and is still fresh-tasting once thawed.

2- Laundry detergent that doesn't come with a soft, high-voiced, annoying bear.  It's a ton cheaper without loads of unpronounceable chemicals and blue dye #3.14.  The one I've found that I love uses water, washing soda, borax, and bar soap.

3- Ditch the deoderant.  There are tons of homemade deodorant recipes out there but I've found that using a dusting of baking soda lasts longer than store-bought chemical-sweat-suppressors.  I was a bit leery at first, but after a day, I was totally convinced.  Again, waaaay cheaper.

Lastly, this isn't exactly a tip, but is worth every second you spend peeling and coring: Goodness, gracious, great balls of apple butter, try this immediately: http://www.mybakingaddiction.com/crock-pot-slow-cooker-apple-butter-recipe/

Curling Cake (Or, "How a Bag of Marshmallows Almost Did Me In")

A bag of marshmallows almost got the best of me yesterday.  Almost.  What I CAN tell you is that this bag of marshmallows did get the worst of me.

Last week, my husband asked me to make a cake for his curling league's snack.  This particular league happens to be a men's league, and what that means to the baker providing food is that any cake-serving chart can be thrown out of the window.  Eeking twenty servings out of a 6" cake ain't gonna cut it for forty men who have just been curling for 2 1/2 hours.  So 11x17" it was.  

I made a White Almond Texas Sheet Cake, whipped up some strawberry mango cream cheese filling to put between the two layers, and crumb coated the whole caboodle with vanilla-almond buttercream.  Lovely.  

And then came the fondant.  Now.  Making and working with fondant is typically one of my favorite parts of decorating because it is essentially edible playdough. (If you care to hear about my mild obsession with playdough, please invite yourself over sometime for a cup of tea and playdough snail-making tutorial).  Ohhhh catharsis... At any rate, every other time I've made fondant from marshmallows, I have used Wegman's brand (which I may or may not be equally or more passionate about than playdough) of marshmallows.  Since we now live 20 minutes from one and I couldn't justify driving that far for something I could get ahold of 2 minutes down the road, Giant it was.  

Eventually, my fondant was made and it was time to cover the cake:

  Step 1- cover fondant mat with thin film of shortening

  Step 2- roll fondant in ball and roll out to correct size

  Step 3- add more powdered sugar so rolling pin doesn't keep sticking

  Step 4- using four hands, place mat over cake and start to peel fondant off

  Step 5- plead with fondant to come off of mat like it always does; remind it that this is not a difficult task

  Step 6- urgently beg tearing fondant to correct its wayward path

  Step 7- angrily pull mat off and throw pathetic-looking fondant shreds onto counter

  Step 8- grab fistful of sugar and throw it on fondant; begin shoving it into sticky areas of dough

  Step 9- turn down husband's offers to go pick up pre-made fondant "just in case it doesn't work out"... and for a glass of wine

  Step 10- try re-rolling out on fondant mat mat on top of more sugar

  Step 11- thrust fondant mat to side of counter, giving puppy who hasn't yet experienced sugar something to get excited about as a layer coats the kitchen floor 

  Step 12- toss out Wilton method of fondant cake covering out the window and opt for British fondant method, despite not having a large enough rolling pin

  Step 13- cover cake successfully; high-five husband and "woop!" excitedly

So, what have we learned from this?  Always go to Wegman's.  

Pertaining to Stuffed Salmon

In Valentine's Day this year, we went out to a fancier-than-usual restaurant and I got stuffed salmon.  It was really quite marvelous, despite the fact that I do not not normally go for salmon or goat cheese (the two primary ingredients).  It turned out very tasty!

Fast forward ten months.  I had frozen salmon fillets in the freezer (I'd had a coupon and they were on sale... Don't be fooled - I'm way too cheap to normally buy salmon) and goat cheese that someone had brought to a party and let us keep the leftovers.  As I pondered what to do with it, the dish I had for V-Day came to mind and I decided to try to recreate it.  Having been ten months ago, I really don't know if I did, but what I came up with wound up being a pretty sweet meal.  So here it is:

Stuffed Salmon

Salmon fillet (1/person)
Sea salt
Goat cheese (2 heaping T/person)
Dijon mustard (1 T/person)
Olive oil
Thyme (I used dried)
Pepper
Brown sugar

1.  Preheat the oven to 350.  If using frozen salmon, thaw and pat dry.  If not, pat dry.  Sprinkle salt on both sides and rub in gently.  Let it sit for a few minutes and then run the fillets under cold water, getting rid of any excess. Pat dry again.
2. Carefully put a slit in the center of each piece of fish that goes most of the way through to the other side.  Cover a baking sheet with foil.  Drizzle and rub around a little olive oil on the foil to disperse evenly.  Place the salmon on the sheet.
3. In a bowl, whisk together the mustard, a tiny bit if olive oil, a bit of thyme, pepper, and a pinch of brown sugar.  Separately, crumble the goat cheese and then fill the center of the pieces salmon with the cheese.  Sprinkle any remaining cheese on the tops, and then pour the mustard mixture on top of the salmon and slightly spread to even it out.
4. Cover with foil and bake for about 13 minutes, until they are done.  Enjoy!

What's All This About Risotto?

I never got the whole deal about risotto on cooking shows.  Come on.  It's rice.

Then I found a recipe I wanted to try that happened to use it.  It wasn't a bad price, so I figured, "Why not?"  And let me tell you: My life will never be the same.

Arborio rice is the color in land of Oz.  It's the marshmallows in Lucky Charms.  It's the unexpected snow day.  It's the still-wrapped, whole crayon in a box of broken ones.  It's the spiral slide on an ordinarily dull playground.  Put simply, Arborio rice straight-A student of the rice family.

When I was first trying to figure out how to cook the stuff, I looked at a number of recipes for the basics.  One commonality was that almost all of them were seemingly apologetic for the amount of work that went into making risotto.  When it comes down to it though, it's not that much.  Really.  Trust me.  Basically, you just add liquid every few minutes as the rest of the liquid gets sucked up by the rice.  The creamy texture and flexibility of flavoring is worth every carbohydrate (if you care about such things).

Suffice it to say, I get it now.  My culinary world will never be the same.

Insomnia

Few things exist that are more irritating to me than laying in bed, unable to sleep. Over the past five years, I have struggled with bouts of insomnia and I have only been able to pinpoint one sure-fire way to put myself to sleep. Pride and Prejudice. Not the six-hour nonsense, but the two-hour, Americanized version that ends with the only kiss in the whole film. Over the past five years, I have had to resort to this so often that I have virtually every detail of the movie memorized. I don't have to actually watch it because I can picture each scene as I listen to it and drift off to sleep.

On the occasions, however, when my own Mr. Darcy is sound asleep and I opt not to wake him up by putting the movie on, if I cannot fall asleep, I sometimes just give up and go do something productive. This morning was one of those days. Because I will be directing a four-week long summer camp and already know that my motivation to spend any length of time cooking at the end of each day, I have decided to spend the next month stocking the freezer with a host of reheatable or partially made meals.

It's strange what lack-of-sleep does to me. I was overcome with the obsession to make and freeze waffles. So, at 3:00 when I was finally over the idea of sleeping at all, I got up and made almond whole wheat waffles. Then I made a couple of quarts of marinara sauce. While that was simmering for an hour, I put together two things of pizza dough, a double-batch of cheesy garlic roll dough, made four diffent chicken marinades, mixed and cooked pineapple vanilla baked oatmeal, unloaded the dishwasher, drank two mugs of tea, organized my least favorite kitchen cabinet, and washed the counter way too many times.

Anyone have any favorite freezable meals, by the way?

So now it is 7:00 and I am absolutely exhausted. Invariably I always reach this point and then wrestle with the to-sleep or not-to-sleep-because-I-won't-be-able-to-sleep-later predicament. Oh to have a glorified body someday that will not battle insomnia...

Final Project

Here is the promised, finished cake!  Since I starting the decorating classes, this was the warmest, most humid the temperature has been and I am discovering the irritating melting effect it has on the icing.  The buttercream I used to ice the cake was nearly melting as I was working with it.  Couple that with a dark chocolate cake already prone to crumbing and... yeah.... but overall, I was fairly pleased with how it turned out.

Teaser

Once again, I find that it has been days since I've been able to sit down to update, but life has been incredibly full and I refuse to apologize for that.  But a great big "howdy!" to the blogging world once more.

Tonight is my final class on Cake Design & Royal Icing Flowers, so here's a teaser on my final project (which is a 2-tiered Dark Chocolate Strawberry cake):

Cheesy Spinach-Stuffed Chicken

There comes a time in a recipe-shunning girl's life when she absolutely must write down a recipe, for she desires the exact same amazingness in her mouth at another time.  This, my friends, was one of those times.

Saute over medium-highish heat:

• frozen, chopped spinach
• crushed tomatoes (not a lot-- it shouldn't make the spinach need floaties and a kickboard)
• red onions, diced (or yellow- I don't discriminate)
• garlic, in whatever form your heart desires
• white wine
• crushed red pepper

Once the spinach is cooked and the flavors have simmered a bit, add the following:

• parsley 
• cayenne pepper (don't go nuts)
• cumin
• a wee bit of paprika
• sour cream (just a dollop or two will do)
• Parmesan cheese, grated (ah.... cheese...)
• a little shredded cheese (I used less than 1/4 for three servings), Mexican variety or cheddar or what makes you happy

Simmer down slightly, stirring frequently.  Prepare chicken breast by slicing open to make pocket for filling.  Open and pound lightly between pieces of saran wrap-- you don't want chicken juices flying all about.  Stuff each breast and secure with toothpicks, reserving about 1/4 of the sauce.  In new pan, cook chicken on all sides until cooked through (aim for 165-170 degrees).  Aim to only flip once to ensure filling seeps out as little as possible.  Finish in the oven if you like, but for the love of all things good, don't over cook it.

Finally, toss into that remaining sauce:

• white wine to deglaze the plan
• (after a minute or so) smidgen more Parmesan cheese
• tiny bit more shredded cheese
• an additional sour cream dollop

Keep on low until breasts are finished.  Plate the chicken and drizzle the remaining sauce over top.  Grab a knife and a fork and go to town.

Seriously Amazing Chocolate Peanut Butter Icing

I made some chocolate-peanut-butter-oatmeal-graham-butterscotch-chip cookies the other day, but decided they needed a little extra sweetness since I had used very little sugar and the natural peanut butter didn't add any extra sugar.

Enter: Seriously amazing chocoate peanut butter icing. So not healthy, but *totally* worth the calories. If I didn't share it, it would be utter proof in my hatred for humanity. So here it is:

In a mixing bowl (I find a hand-held mixer works better for this, but standing is okay too), cream 1/3ish C Vegetable shortening, a splash of vanilla, 3-5 teaspoons of milk, and a few tablespoons of peanut butter (I use Natural Chunky).

Slowly add heaping tablespoons of confectioners sugar until you reach a happy consistency and sweetness. (I used about a cup). Toss in about a teaspoon of cocoa powder (I used less since I wanted just a subtle cocoa taste). If you want your icing to crust nicely, add a little meringue powder.

Once the icing is smooth, beat for an addition 20-30 seconds. Add a pinch of salt if it's too sweet for your liking. This makes a small batch of icing (About 1 1/3 C).

The One About Food

 Here's a snapshot of the successful experiments that have kept our tummies happy over the past week. We'll start off with baked, breaded shrimp on pasta with a lumpier than usual Parmesan cream sauce:

Trader Joe's always put me in a creative mood, and yesterday was no exception.  The result turned out to be an open-faced sandwich with shredded chicken, caramelized onions and apples, and cheddar cheese on a slice of cornbread.  In the future, I'll try a different type of bread, I think, but we were quite happy with how it turned out!

With a surplus of oatmeal and totally running out of snacks for the husband's lunch, Oatmeal Coconut Butterscotch Cookies were the solution:

"Any dinner requests?"
"Nah, whatever's fine."
"Well I need ideas.  Give me an idea."
"I don't know if it would work or not, but I've always thought a burger would taste good on a biscuit."
It did  :-)  I based these on Alton Brown's Southern Biscuit recipe with couple of changes (including whole wheat flour).  The one pictured was a turkey burger, and behind it was some leftover Italian chicken reheated with a BBQ-esque sauce-- both with cheddar cheese and caramelized onions.

Finally, homemade baked potato chips made with olive oil, garlic powder, sea salt, and cumin.

The Lazy Blogger is Back

Okay, maybe not lazy, but neglectful.


So this month's cake decorating class encompassed the wonderful world of fondant!  (And indeed, it has been wonderful).  Using the techniques I have learned over the past two months, I made five cakes on Wednesday evening (not stopping until I finished.... at 3:00AM)-- four mini cakes for my husband's curling league and one for the final project for class. 

This class covered making flowers (specifically, daisies, mums, roses, calla lilies, and carnations) out of fondant, covering boards and cakes with the stuff, and just how to work with it in general.  As someone who has a mild obsession with playdough, this was the *PERFECT* outlet. 

For my final project, I decided on a monochromatic theme for my White Chocolate Raspberry-Filled cake:

 

Baking Bonanza

I have mentioned the cake decorating classes I've been taking, so I thought I'd show a smattering of some of the things I have done thus far.  Some of them were actually for class and some were for other occasions, but at any rate, here you go:

The first two pictures were Filled Margarita Cupcakes... complete with tequila in the batter, brushed on top after baking, and in the filling that I made.  They were definitely different, but I think I'm a fan of the (as they became referred to in our house) "boosy cupcakes."

Also in the cupcake category were my first Red Velvet attempts.  After realizing that most recipes call for two bottles of red food coloring, I opted instead to make Reddish-Brown Velvet Cupcakes (yeah yeah, I didn't want to use all of that dye that's not good for you, although it has more to do with the fact that I am cheap and didn't want to use up two bottles of the stuff).  Because I wanted to practice using the Wilton cupcake filling tip, I decided to fill them too and made a chocolate ganache-esque filling.  I think it was too thin though, because although it was tasty, it mostly saturated itself into the center of the cake.  Still good though. 

It's totally not baked, but here are my first roses.  Totally fun to make.  The one on the left is the old-school one that they used to teach in the first course, but apparently, they officially teach the second one now instead.  Our teacher was nice enough to show us both though (I definitely favor the first).

Next, I bring you my final class project for the Decorating Basics class.  I started with a generic Pumpkin Cake recipe, substituted out 2/3 C of the sugar and added a tablespoon of maple syrup and a chopped dark chocolate bar instead, filled the layers with a cream cheese icing (plus pumpkin pie spice), and decorated it in honor of the book series that my husband and I are reading through (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy).  Totally geeky.  Yeah, I know.  But at any rate, it was phenomenal.

 And last but certainly not least, I bring you my S'mores Cupcake invention (also hereby known as "the-best-thing-I-have-seriously-ever-tasted").  I had some icing left over from the class, so I agreed to bring something sweet to the Superbowl Party we attended (again with the cheapness).  I spent a couple of hours trying to find a recipe to try online, but in the end, found nothing that really piqued my interest-- seriously, "Mango Coriander with Mango Chutney," "Crystallized Ginger Olive Oil Cupcakes with Lime Buttercream, Opal Basil, and Lime Zest, "and "Wheat Germ and Ginger, Wasabi Cream, and Tuna Creme Fraiche Cupcakes" just don't cut it as football food. 

In a nutshell: Graham cracker crust + super moist chocolate cake filling + melted chocolate marshmallow for filling + chocolate ganache filling + buttercream icing in football shapes = Oh my word. 

More From the Experimental Kitchen

Greetings!  In the past week or so, here are a few of the happy experiments to come out of the kitchen:

Problem: Drop bag of apples and already made applesauce for week. Solution: Chop 'em (avoiding bruises), add some flour, egg, and spices, and bake.  If I did it over, I would have opted for only one egg instead of two.

 

Behold- I bring you Pigs in a Blanket on Steroids!  I made a slightly spicy sauce from some canned tomatoes, wrapped some Mild Italian sausage in a batch of dough from the bread maker, top with some cheese (of course), and baked for about 20 minutes.  The only alteration I would make if I had to do it over again would be to use a spicy variety of sausage instead of mild.

Creamy Tomato Basil Bliss with homemade croutons.  Need I say more?

I froze the remainder of the dough from the P.I.A.B.O.S. (second picture), and after thawing had plans for some sort of pizza.  Unfortunately, I let it sit in the warm oven for too long and it was too stiff to roll out.  So I smooshed it into a few custard cups and topped it with leftover chicken reheated in a white wine Alfredo sauce with crumbled turkey bacon and a drizzle of hot sauce.  Wouldn't change a thing.  This has been hereby dubbed as the Stromboli Souffle.  Let it be so/

The Potluck Intervention

Alright, I get it. Not everyone is a foodie. There are simply people on this earth who don't enjoy creating art with a skillet and a paring knife. And that's okay. But last week during a meeting and church potluck, when 30% of the main dishes were lasagna, 20% dry chicken baked in cream of _____ soup, and 40% indistinguishable crockpot concoctions that may or may not have included corn, I couldn't keep myself from whispering to my husband that I felt compelled to write a "Potluck Makeover" book.

While I wholeheartedly appreciate someone laboring over a meal to share, or the foresight and preparation involved with a slow cooker dish, I think it's time for a church revival in the potluck department. Here are a few suggestions:

1. Step away from the casserole.
2. Marinara + Ricotta + Any shaped pasta = Yawn. If you need something quick, pasta is great. But mix it up. Try an Alfredo sauce. Add pesto. Heat red pepper flakes (and minced garlic if you want) in some olive oil for a few minutes and then drizzle it over the whole thing to add a little kick.
3. Slow cookers can be lifesavers. But as a friend, let me share a secret with you: If it looks like pig slop or we can't tell what it is, we won't eat it.
4. So it was a long day and you totally forgot. You feel compelled to bring something and pick up a container of pre-packaged cookies or cupcakes. Unless there is absolutely nothing else on the dessert table, you will have wasted $2.99 because it will remain there, virtually untouched. Instead, take 30 seconds longer at the store and check out a different aisle. Why not fresh fruit (it doesn't have to be in a syrupy fruit salad to be worthwhile!)? Frozen ice? Heck, a bag of dark chocolate even! Think outside of the bakery box.

The last church that I attended had potluck picnics every Sunday during the summer which meant they HAD to get creative! Some of the more memorable dishes were as follows:
-Stromboli
-Rainbow jello cups
-Fresh tomato slices with mozzarella, basil, and olive oil drizzled on top
-Watermelon slices
-White cheddar popcorn
-Peanut Butter No-Bake Cookies
-BBQ on dinner rolls (like sliders)
-Quesadilla triangles

So next time you are bringing something to a party or gathering involving food (is there any other kind??) think outside the box so it won't come home with you in one.

Extreme Couponing is for the Birds

When I first heard about the Extreme Couponing show, I thought it was a fabulous idea- for once, television was promoting living within one's means rather than far beyond it. Ten minutes into the episode I realized how life-sucking this practice was and primarily resulted in storehouses of packaged, processed foods. Stewardship of money is important, but even more so is stewardship of time.

I am all about saving money, but not at the expense of loads of time or chemically-packed, just-add-water "food." Over the past several months, two of the changes center around lunch changes. Instead of purchasing bread, we found an inexpensive bread machine and toss the ingredients in once a week and have saved quite a bit (and it tastes better!!). The other lunch alteration that has been saving us money occurred to me when I was pricing lunch meat. To get prepackaged deli meat was $5.29/lb at best, or slightly higher from the counter. Fresh chicken breast, on the other hand, is $1.99. I buy several large packages and freeze some. Every other week, I defrost one, filet each breast in several thin slices, marinade them (usually in an Italian flavored or buffalo flavored concoction), cook them, and then store it all in a container in the refrigerator. No fillers or loads of sodium, and with a little bit of work twice a month, a lot cheaper.

The two marinades I most frequently use are as follows:

Buffalo: hot sauce, white wine, red pepper flakes, a little white vinegar, pepper, olive oil
Italian: olive oil, white wine, Italian seasoning, rosemary, thyme, and sometimes a touch of worchestershire sauce

Da Coca-Cola Curling Cake

Tonight was evening numero dos in the Cake Decorating class I'm taking. Although I have picked up a couple of tips, most of it has been review so far. I have felt like the sheepish-high-school-goody-two-shoes-who-actually-does-her-homework-and-pities-the-teacher-for-having-to-endure-the-lack-of-class-participation-but-who-doesn't-want-to-be-the-know-it-all. For instance, last week went a little something like this:

Teacher: "Get out your cookies. What did everyone bring?"
"Sugar cookies."
"Snickerdoodles." Teacher: "Ooh, I love making those." "Oh, they're from Giant. I just put them in this container to make me feel better."
"Sugar cookies. But from ShopRite."
"Sugar cookies."
"Sugar cookies. But my mom made them."
"Umm... Maple Oatmeal Chocolate Chip."

Teacher: "So who in here makes their own icing."
*Chirp... chirp*
(My hand goes up).
Teacher: "Oh good!" (and proceeds to have a conversation with me on how I make it)

Teacher: "What's everyone's favorite kind of cake?"
"Chocolate."
"White."
"I don't like sweets."
"Chocolate."
"I don't have a favorite."
"Polynesian."
(Teacher asks for recipe later on).

So today went a little something like this:

Teacher: "Okay, pull out the design patterns-- either the hamburger, the cupcake, or the fish....... unless you brought your own." (She looks straight at me). "You brought your own. Didn't you?"

She's learning :-)

At any rate, here was tonight's product. I didn't have time to put the handles on the stone border or add a broom on the left behind the stone, but here's product number one.

This was my first time experimenting with using soda in food. Boy oh boy, am I EVER a believer. I used it in both the cake and the chocolate filling, and it really brings out a unique and seriously fantastic taste.  I was limited to the two techniques we've done in the class so far, but I would love to experiment with using gel to make a shiny curling ice in the future.  

When It's Worth It

One of the things that I am incredibly grateful to my parents for is that they choose to make dinnertime a priority for our family.  Until high school soccer decided to completely rearrange our lives for months on end, nearly all evenings included eating and talking together at the table.  (Soccer still included eating and conversation, but the "table" would often be the metal bleacher bench at our feet and the conversation would most consist of commentary on the legality of the official's licensure or gentle suggestions to the ball-carrier to consider one's teammates before loss of possession).

I realize that not everyone is blessed with the time, knowledge, or resources to cook meals, but it's something that I (usually) thrive on.  The creativity and artistry that goes into planning and crafting a meal or dish sends me into my happy place... until interrupted by my favorite Redskins' towel is engulfed in flames on the counter-- but that's a different story (I swear the stove was off.  That burner just has it in for me).

At any rate, last Tuesday, I discussed my retirement of recipe-following (for the most part).  Once you understand how flavors complement each other and the basics of preparation, close the cookbook, open the cabinet, pull out a few things, and start creating!  Here are a few things that have wound up on our dinner table over the past week as a result:

Garlic Knots sans recipe.  I threw a basic bread dough together, rolled it into hot dog shapes, lightly coated in olive oil, and then brushed with Parmesan, some herbs, and garlic.  Next time, I'll probably use butter instead of olive oil, but I wouldn't be as quick to consider changes if I had been glued to someone else's recipe.

Thank heavens for grocery outlets.  This was Pork Tenderloin that I roasted in a bunch of stuff (I think rosemary, olive oil, white wine, and some other things were involved), and surrounded with carrots, apple slices, and potatoes.  I have been discovering the magic of creating gravies by deglazing with wine.  Best thing ever.

 Exhibit 3: Pesto-baked chicken.  In the future, instead of coating the chicken with the pesto, I think I shall stuff it inside.  (The whole idea of shooting up a chicken just rubs me the wrong way.  I\d prefer to stuff it). 

Impromptu lava cakes were a must one night.  My mental conversation sounded something like this: "Hmm, I've never tried lava cakes without a recipe.  I'll take a gander at a few, just in case."  Five minutes later, "Eh, they all use melted chocolate.  I never seem to have meltable chocolate.  We finish it too fast.  Screw it- I'll figure something out."  And hence, here it was.  It didn't rise as much as when I have made them before, but the blueberry-strawberry sauce I made with it was a fantastic addition. 

In conclusion, I challenge you to look away from the cookbook, grab some stuff and stare at it for a few minutes, and then make something fabulous!  (And if it's totally not fabulous, figure out how to improve it for next time!)

Recipe Shmeshipe

Hello.  My name is Elaine, and I have a problem.  I do not follow recipes.  It has been 23 days since my last recipe.

In fact, over the past year or two, my biggest cooking disappointments have been when I actually followed a recipe to the T.  In light of my recent tirade against hospitality perfection, I am going to break the all-of-my-recipes-turn-out-picture-perfect-as-shown-on-my-blog mold and actually disclose a few of the cooking catastrophes that have brought me to this point.

Cheesy Cauliflower of Crap: I would like to think that my first big catastrophe happened as a result of a faulty recipe.  Actually, I think it was just a matter of lack of specification.  I will never actually know because I have vowed to never attempt it again.  it seemed simple enough.  Cheddar cheese, cauliflower, and a few other ingredients. one of which happened to be mustard.  So in went the required two-tablespoons of mustard.  Dry mustard.  Had the recipe stated "prepared" I am sure all would be well with the world.  But it didn't.  And I didn't know any better.  This will forever be remembered as the recipe that disproved my theory that cheese can make anything better.

Not-So-Angelic Food Cake: Over the past year, I have transitioned to purchasing and using as little processed food as possible.  Around the beginning of this switch was an evening during which we decided to have a spur-of-the-moment fondue night.  After completing a 5-star rated recipe online (which called for no less than twelve eggs), the entire thing wound up in the trash, pan included.  The thing had smelled, felt, and tasted like a mass of rubber yuck and put me out of $1.79 worth of eggs.  Thank goodness for 75-cent Target-brand angel food cake mixes.

Step Away from the Slow-Cooker: I think most people have cooking spurts at some point or another.  During my crockpot spurt, I was making a meal for some friends who had recently had a baby, and said recipe included a cup of rice.  It also stupidly included only 1/2 cup of water.  If you know anything at all about cooking rice, you know that despite the 8 hours that it was in the magic-dinner-making-machine, you know that it wound up to be a crunchy, uncooked mess.  Unfortunately I didn't discover this until I was leaving to bring it to them. 

Yes Virginia, There Is Such a Thing as Bad Chocolate: The most recent flop occurred about a month ago when we had some friends over for games and dessert.  I was melting some chocolate in a double boiler (as per the directions which were followed to the letter).  At the end, it told me to slowly add a tablespoon of milk.  I had been a little skeptical of this step, but because hundreds of reviewers claimed "BEST RECIPE EVARRRR!!"  "I WILL NEVER EAT ANOTHER THING AGAIN!" "Hubby ate the whole thing before the children got any-- I guess that's a good thing, right?" I had decided that it would work.  Ten seconds later, my gorgeous silky, Wonka River quality chocolate had morphed into a ball of sticky nastiness.

My view of recipes has changed greatly over the past year, but not only for these reasons.  Now, when I do consult a recipe, it is used mainly as inspiration ("Hmm, I never thought of putting coconut extract in my BBQ sauce").  Cooking has become more of an art form than a science.  On the occasion that something I creates causes eyes to roll into the back of our heads, I write it down (a tad oxymoronic perhaps).  I will be posting them, so stay tuned!