The Old and the New

Monday marked the closing of our first home.  The theme of the "old" versus the "new" has been coming to mind a lot with the start of changes.  As transitions to our new space commence, it is apparent that the closing of one chapter begins a new one.  It is truly exciting, but I don't want to be so hurried to start the next one that I forget to acknowledge the beauty of the current.

Yesterday, as soon as I walked out of the door of our apartment, it became apparent that the two large trees next to the building suddenly realized that it was fall and they had some catching up to do:

The blanketed foliage was a reminder of the end of one season of our lives in this place.  As I think back over our two years here, this apartment represents so much of God's kindness to us.  Most of our married life so far has been here.  We've been so blessed with excellent landlords.  Despite the enormous crickets (one of my two least favorite products of nature, next to centipedes) and mosquitoes that come with it, it has been wonderful to have woods and a little creek to look at right outside of our apartment... a scene fairly uncommon so close to Baltimore.  We've been right down the road from a Wegmans in one direction and one of my best friends in the other. (Don't judge.  Wegmans is a big deal). 

Reflecting on God's kindness over the past two and a half years makes me excited to see what He has in store for us in our next location.  There will be new people to interact with and new lessons to learn.  When I started hauling things over to the house earlier this week, I brought these back from the garden:

Despite the autumn season, the yard was teeming with life... so much so that I couldn't help bringing some back with me.  As my present surrounding is cluttered with evidences of transition this reminder has been a breath of fresh air every time I walk in to the kitchen.  

Respected at the City Gate

My husband and I were both fortunate enough to be raised in households filled with love and strong marriages.  I am so grateful that I have a mother who is a wonderful example of an excellent wife whom I was able to watch, up close, for eighteen years. 

Now, I am far from excellent or wonderful, but I have made it a priority to try to glorify God in how I display love and respect for my husband even when I am not around.  One way I have found to be a blessing to him in this way is by making his lunches in the morning each day, including a note with something I appreciate about him, am praying for him about, or just simply reminding him that I think he is pretty darn swell.

This simple act of sending a lunch with him each day has caught notice of several teachers he works with in ways I could never have expected.  On a number of occasions, they have taken notice of something he has brought in for lunch and have been really surprised to find that his wife makes it for him each day.  Last week, one of them exclaimed, "Your wife still makes lunches for you?  How long have you been married? ... More than two years?  Oh."  The fact that I can show his co-workers that he has a wife who loves and supports him, in even menial ways, is such an encouragement to me that God can do so much with so little.

Proverbs 31:23 says, "Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land."  Until recently, I never understood this verse's place in the the Proverbs 31 poem. Verse after verse touts "she is... she is... she is..." and then all of a sudden there's this shout-out to her husband's reputation.  My response was always to gloss over that because, frankly, I didn't get it.  It hit me this morning though that it makes sense to read this as "she is a reason her husband is respected at the city gate..."  He is respected by others because they see that he is respected by his wife.  That is what I aspire to give my husband-- respect of others by how I display respect for him, even in the simple act of tossing some food and an ice pack in a bag each morning.

A Failed Institution?

During the past several days, I heard the anti-marriage voice louder than ever before. This voice screams that institution of marriage is not only antiquated, but failed. I have seen more out-of-context scripture propped up as "evidence" that the true Biblical idea of marriage included women voicelessly enslaved to their husbands, concubine-infested harems (essentially), and loveless, duty-filled relationships.

The louder this voice becomes the more my heart breaks for the precious gift that God has given us, and for the countless men and women who will never experience this wonderful gift because they misunderstand the gift's Giver. The heart of God is so clearly depicted when you look at how He really intends marriage to look:

• God said, "It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him..." Then God made woman... and brought her to the man.  For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife.  (Genesis 2) Let's break this down.  God saw that man living in solitude was not a good thing, and so He created and brought a partner for man.  Notice that God did not bring him another mother to look after the man.  In fact, the very next thing is calling that man to leave those who shepherded him to create a new life with this partner.  Today's typical in-law scenario could learn a thing or two from this verse.
• If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him. For one year he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married. (Deuteronomy 24) The more I see Old Testament laws thrown about willy-nilly as representative of the Biblical idea of marriage, the more evident it is that those who do the throwing clearly aren't reading very closely.  While I would not be all-for reinstating Ancient Mosaic law, I certainly wouldn't have minded this one!  What does this verse say of the one who wrote it?  Do any words jump out at you? "HAPPINESS" is the one that flies out at me!  Forget work or the cares of the world for a while-- newlyweds were instructed to take a year-long honeymoon!  This doesn't read "stay at home and set up the house" or "stay at home and figure out finances" or even "stay at home to pray over the marriage" (though those aren't bad things).  It called the man to be free of worldly pressures and make his wife happy.  That doesn't much resemble the "wife suppression" that seems to be the understood marital dynamic, now does it?
•  Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth; for your love is better than wine... Behold you are beautiful, my love! Behold, you are beautiful... I am sick with love. His left hand is under my head; his right hand embraces me... My beloved speaks and says to me "Arise my love, my beautiful one, and come away... let me see your face, let me hear your voice, for your voice is sweet... You are altogether beautiful- there is no flaw in you... You have captivated my heart, my sister, my bride; you have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes..." Eat, friends, drink, and be drunk with love.  (Song of Solomon) In this short book is a graphic picture of God's idea of married love looks like, and is certainly more appealing than the prevalent understanding of romance is today.  God created men and women, in marriage, to longingly desire each other- to praise each other- to be captivated by each other.  Doesn't this speak volumes about the passionate character of God-- that He thought this up?

The women in a class I am taking were talking about their marriages this week, and one of them (married forty years) was asked by another (married twelve years), "So what's your secret?" How sad it is that a successfully long marriage is viewed as a mysterious thing.  Although no one can claim that being united and committed to one person is an easy thing, I think it would be so much more sweet if we truly understood what God's idea of marriage really is and were reminded of it, often.

Marriage is not a failed institution. No, rather, I believe it has so much more to do with our watered down version- beginning with infatuation, settling into comfortable love, and at some point down the road, trying to peacefully coexist until one of you kicks the can.  Ugh.  Today's concept of marriage IS a failed institution.  What happened to "You have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes?"  We started ignoring the original idea of marriage.  That's what. 

Here. Have Some Free Advice.

I have accumulated a vast array of knowledge in my 573 days of marriage.  I would like to speak for a moment to my female readers who are still single (married womenfolk, you're next!).  Here are a few valuable skills I would like to encourage you to work on before you are blessed with the gift of a husband:

1. Become an expert on at least one sport.  You don't have to master all of them.  It can even be Cricket.
2. Own at least one roll of quality duct tape.
3. Have a hobby that does not involve shoes or an outlet mall.
4. Learn how to not...
     A) throw a football/baseball,
     B) putt a golf ball, and
     C) squeal at an incoming volleyball
                                                           ...like a girl
5. Be able to appreciate The Godfather, Star Trek, Rocky, and/or anything with Sean Connery.

For the female readers who do happen to be married, the best thing that I can point you to is a fan-freaking-tastic book by Gary Chapman called Sacred Influence.  Seriously.  Get it and devour it.  In a culture that belittles men and encourages women to be manipulative, this book is an absolute gem in how it encourages wives to support and influence their husbands in Godly ways.

Geeking Out

It is a close personal belief that everyone geeks out in their own right. When I was growing up, it was not at all unheard of for dinner table discussions to be centered around internal combustion engines or hybrid vehicle technology. Dinner table discussions during college often consisted of math and physics equations because I happened to be close with friends who were crazy enough to WANT to spend their late nights hovered over a slide rule. I should note that in both of these instances, I was typically a not participant, but rather an observer whose eyes began to glaze over shortly into the conversation.

I have found that one of the greatest things about being married to the man that I am is that we often geek out over the same things. On more than one occasion, we have been known to sit in out living room... With those annoying recorder instruments that every third grader in America is forced to learn... Figuring out pop music songs.


With harmony.


And sometimes in a round.


And although our geekdom often overlaps, I've found that I simply cannot claim the same excitement for chemistry humor or the latest video of Skyrim glitches. My ignorance is slowly (very slowly) waning in some of areas in which my husband geeks out. I plan to share some of this in the future, and can hopefully give some of the women an insight into the geekyness of the male mind. Until then, live long and... and... yeah.