Hey Girl

Although Tuesday is typically "food day" on "But A Breath," today is going to be a bit different (though slightly related).  We will return you to your regularly scheduled program next time.

What do Frank Sinatra, Elvis, Hansen, the Justins (Timberlake and Bieber), and One Direction have in common?  Disillusioned women over the ages have swooned over these hunky dreamboats, clinging to the belief that their romance-laced songs happened to be written exclusively for them.  Currently, One Direction's "What Makes You Beautiful" is topping the charts, and a glance over the lyrics is evidence enough for this:

You're insecure; don't know what for
You're turning heads when you walk through the door
Don't need make up to cover up
Being the way that you are is enough
Everyone else in the room can see it- everyone else but you

Baby, you light up my world like nobody else
The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed
But when you smile at the ground it ain't hard to tell
You don't know you're beautiful

Let's switch gears for just a minute.  One out of every two girls between the ages of eleven and thirteen see themselves as overweight.  Four out of every five thirteen-year old girls have tried to lose weight.  Ninety-five percent of people who struggle with eating disorders are between the ages of twelve and twenty-five.  Let's not stop with women though.  A UK study released yesterday cites a sixteen percent increase this past year of males struggling with eating disorders.  What on earth is going on?

Personally, I don't buy the self-esteem movement that touts, "Just believe in yourself!  You are everything wonderful!  Go you!"  I don't think the problem is that millions of teenagers don't think they're the greatest blessing the world has ever seen.  I think a huge part of the answer lies in the first question I asked-- people need to know they are valued.  Girls need to be encouraged.  Women need to be affirmed.  Boys need to be taught how to encourage girls in healthy ways.  Women need to be affirmed by men who are offering affirmation unselfishly-- not as a means to see them naked.

I cite the internet meme sensation "Hey Girl" as proof of this: 

There are tons of these-- some complimenting physical qualities, offering foot massaging services, or simply expressing appreciation for mundane tasks.  Why have these become so popular?  Because people need to be encouraged.  They need to know that someone notices and appreciates them.

I believe one of the primary reasons the singers I listed gained as much popularity as they did is that women develop emotional fantasy connections with them and cling on to the romantic messages in their songs not simply because women are emotional saps who love that kind of thing, but rather, because they are encouragement-deprived.  They are not encouraged on a regular basis and so when they DO hear a highly coveted "You look beautiful today" they cannot distinguish it from romance.

How many girls could we save from heartbreak by fulfilling their need to hear, "You are valuable to me" from a dad or brother or friend on a regular basis?  How many young women (and men!) could we save from becoming one of those "I don't measure up, physically, and so I will stop eating until I am a size zero" statistics?  How many people would be so much more emotionally healthy if they didn't feel the compulsion to bury this need in food or empty relationships or nitpicking in front of a mirror for hours?

Let me challenge you to put down your cell phone.  Look someone in the eye and give them a genuine compliment-- and don't let them get away with brushing it off as nothing.  Give someone a hug that communicates, "You are special to me."  Maybe if we are less focused on ourselves and more focused on others, we can actually improve someone else's life, now and in the future.