 |
| Me thinks our refrigerator might be a bit too cold. |
1.30.2012
1.24.2012
The Potluck Intervention
Alright, I get it. Not everyone is a foodie. There are simply people on this earth who don't enjoy creating art with a skillet and a paring knife. And that's okay. But last week during a meeting and church potluck, when 30% of the main dishes were lasagna, 20% dry chicken baked in cream of _____ soup, and 40% indistinguishable crockpot concoctions that may or may not have included corn, I couldn't keep myself from whispering to my husband that I felt compelled to write a "Potluck Makeover" book.
While I wholeheartedly appreciate someone laboring over a meal to share, or the foresight and preparation involved with a slow cooker dish, I think it's time for a church revival in the potluck department. Here are a few suggestions:
1. Step away from the casserole.
2. Marinara + Ricotta + Any shaped pasta = Yawn. If you need something quick, pasta is great. But mix it up. Try an Alfredo sauce. Add pesto. Heat red pepper flakes (and minced garlic if you want) in some olive oil for a few minutes and then drizzle it over the whole thing to add a little kick.
3. Slow cookers can be lifesavers. But as a friend, let me share a secret with you: If it looks like pig slop or we can't tell what it is, we won't eat it.
4. So it was a long day and you totally forgot. You feel compelled to bring something and pick up a container of pre-packaged cookies or cupcakes. Unless there is absolutely nothing else on the dessert table, you will have wasted $2.99 because it will remain there, virtually untouched. Instead, take 30 seconds longer at the store and check out a different aisle. Why not fresh fruit (it doesn't have to be in a syrupy fruit salad to be worthwhile!)? Frozen ice? Heck, a bag of dark chocolate even! Think outside of the bakery box.
The last church that I attended had potluck picnics every Sunday during the summer which meant they HAD to get creative! Some of the more memorable dishes were as follows:
-Stromboli
-Rainbow jello cups
-Fresh tomato slices with mozzarella, basil, and olive oil drizzled on top
-Watermelon slices
-White cheddar popcorn
-Peanut Butter No-Bake Cookies
-BBQ on dinner rolls (like sliders)
-Quesadilla triangles
So next time you are bringing something to a party or gathering involving food (is there any other kind??) think outside the box so it won't come home with you in one.
While I wholeheartedly appreciate someone laboring over a meal to share, or the foresight and preparation involved with a slow cooker dish, I think it's time for a church revival in the potluck department. Here are a few suggestions:
1. Step away from the casserole.
2. Marinara + Ricotta + Any shaped pasta = Yawn. If you need something quick, pasta is great. But mix it up. Try an Alfredo sauce. Add pesto. Heat red pepper flakes (and minced garlic if you want) in some olive oil for a few minutes and then drizzle it over the whole thing to add a little kick.
3. Slow cookers can be lifesavers. But as a friend, let me share a secret with you: If it looks like pig slop or we can't tell what it is, we won't eat it.
4. So it was a long day and you totally forgot. You feel compelled to bring something and pick up a container of pre-packaged cookies or cupcakes. Unless there is absolutely nothing else on the dessert table, you will have wasted $2.99 because it will remain there, virtually untouched. Instead, take 30 seconds longer at the store and check out a different aisle. Why not fresh fruit (it doesn't have to be in a syrupy fruit salad to be worthwhile!)? Frozen ice? Heck, a bag of dark chocolate even! Think outside of the bakery box.
The last church that I attended had potluck picnics every Sunday during the summer which meant they HAD to get creative! Some of the more memorable dishes were as follows:
-Stromboli
-Rainbow jello cups
-Fresh tomato slices with mozzarella, basil, and olive oil drizzled on top
-Watermelon slices
-White cheddar popcorn
-Peanut Butter No-Bake Cookies
-BBQ on dinner rolls (like sliders)
-Quesadilla triangles
So next time you are bringing something to a party or gathering involving food (is there any other kind??) think outside the box so it won't come home with you in one.
1.21.2012
Extreme Couponing is for the Birds
When I first heard about the Extreme Couponing show, I thought it was a fabulous idea- for once, television was promoting living within one's means rather than far beyond it. Ten minutes into the episode I realized how life-sucking this practice was and primarily resulted in storehouses of packaged, processed foods. Stewardship of money is important, but even more so is stewardship of time.
I am all about saving money, but not at the expense of loads of time or chemically-packed, just-add-water "food." Over the past several months, two of the changes center around lunch changes. Instead of purchasing bread, we found an inexpensive bread machine and toss the ingredients in once a week and have saved quite a bit (and it tastes better!!). The other lunch alteration that has been saving us money occurred to me when I was pricing lunch meat. To get prepackaged deli meat was $5.29/lb at best, or slightly higher from the counter. Fresh chicken breast, on the other hand, is $1.99. I buy several large packages and freeze some. Every other week, I defrost one, filet each breast in several thin slices, marinade them (usually in an Italian flavored or buffalo flavored concoction), cook them, and then store it all in a container in the refrigerator. No fillers or loads of sodium, and with a little bit of work twice a month, a lot cheaper.
The two marinades I most frequently use are as follows:
Buffalo: hot sauce, white wine, red pepper flakes, a little white vinegar, pepper, olive oil
Italian: olive oil, white wine, Italian seasoning, rosemary, thyme, and sometimes a touch of worchestershire sauce
I am all about saving money, but not at the expense of loads of time or chemically-packed, just-add-water "food." Over the past several months, two of the changes center around lunch changes. Instead of purchasing bread, we found an inexpensive bread machine and toss the ingredients in once a week and have saved quite a bit (and it tastes better!!). The other lunch alteration that has been saving us money occurred to me when I was pricing lunch meat. To get prepackaged deli meat was $5.29/lb at best, or slightly higher from the counter. Fresh chicken breast, on the other hand, is $1.99. I buy several large packages and freeze some. Every other week, I defrost one, filet each breast in several thin slices, marinade them (usually in an Italian flavored or buffalo flavored concoction), cook them, and then store it all in a container in the refrigerator. No fillers or loads of sodium, and with a little bit of work twice a month, a lot cheaper.
The two marinades I most frequently use are as follows:
Buffalo: hot sauce, white wine, red pepper flakes, a little white vinegar, pepper, olive oil
Italian: olive oil, white wine, Italian seasoning, rosemary, thyme, and sometimes a touch of worchestershire sauce
1.20.2012
The Compulsory Curling Tutorial
"You should write about curling," declared my husband who happens to have a curling tournament this weekend.
The first thing you should know about curling is that anyone who gets involved in the sport has the immediate compulsion to educate anyone who is not involved in the sport. The second thing you should know is that even though curlers take their sport very seriously, they are very aware that it is a totally ridiculous, absolutely goofy activity.
In a nutshell, there are four players on each team: the lead, the second, the vice skip, and the skip. Each team alternates to throw eight stones (smooth, gray 40-lb rocks with handles), attempting to conclude each sequence (called an "end") with as many stones closest to the center (the button) of the target (the house) at the opposite end. Once all sixteen stones have been thrown, everyone switches sides and does the whole thing several more times. What most people remember about curling if they've seen it on television are the sweepers. While the stone is traveling down the ice, the skip (the strategist of the team) will call for the non-throwing players to sweep (adding friction to the ice which causes it to melt slightly) at certain points if they want the stone to stay straight, maintain speed, or go farther.
So there you have it. Consider yourself educated.
The first thing you should know about curling is that anyone who gets involved in the sport has the immediate compulsion to educate anyone who is not involved in the sport. The second thing you should know is that even though curlers take their sport very seriously, they are very aware that it is a totally ridiculous, absolutely goofy activity.
In a nutshell, there are four players on each team: the lead, the second, the vice skip, and the skip. Each team alternates to throw eight stones (smooth, gray 40-lb rocks with handles), attempting to conclude each sequence (called an "end") with as many stones closest to the center (the button) of the target (the house) at the opposite end. Once all sixteen stones have been thrown, everyone switches sides and does the whole thing several more times. What most people remember about curling if they've seen it on television are the sweepers. While the stone is traveling down the ice, the skip (the strategist of the team) will call for the non-throwing players to sweep (adding friction to the ice which causes it to melt slightly) at certain points if they want the stone to stay straight, maintain speed, or go farther.
So there you have it. Consider yourself educated.
1.19.2012
Prayers of the Saints
The sermon on Sunday ended with, what I thought, was a very powerful illustration concerning prayer. I will do my best to capture as accurate as possible the essence of what it was.
Many of us have a special box or place for meaningful notes, treasures, cards, or encouragements that we have received over the years. We save them because they mean a great deal to us and we desire to remember and recapture those feelings in the future.
Revelation 5:8 talks about John's vision of the throne room of the King, and refers to "golden bowls full of incense, which are the prayers of the saints." These golden bowls are like God's special keepsake boxes. Our prayers do not annoy or pester him- they are precious words from His children that touch His heart.
Many of us have a special box or place for meaningful notes, treasures, cards, or encouragements that we have received over the years. We save them because they mean a great deal to us and we desire to remember and recapture those feelings in the future.
Revelation 5:8 talks about John's vision of the throne room of the King, and refers to "golden bowls full of incense, which are the prayers of the saints." These golden bowls are like God's special keepsake boxes. Our prayers do not annoy or pester him- they are precious words from His children that touch His heart.
1.17.2012
Da Coca-Cola Curling Cake
Tonight was evening numero dos in the Cake Decorating class I'm taking. Although I have picked up a couple of tips, most of it has been review so far. I have felt like the sheepish-high-school-goody-two-shoes-who-actually-does-her-homework-and-pities-the-teacher-for-having-to-endure-the-lack-of-class-participation-but-who-doesn't-want-to-be-the-know-it-all. For instance, last week went a little something like this:
Teacher: "Get out your cookies. What did everyone bring?"
"Sugar cookies."
"Snickerdoodles." Teacher: "Ooh, I love making those." "Oh, they're from Giant. I just put them in this container to make me feel better."
"Sugar cookies. But from ShopRite."
"Sugar cookies."
"Sugar cookies. But my mom made them."
"Umm... Maple Oatmeal Chocolate Chip."
Teacher: "So who in here makes their own icing."
*Chirp... chirp*
(My hand goes up).
Teacher: "Oh good!" (and proceeds to have a conversation with me on how I make it)
Teacher: "What's everyone's favorite kind of cake?"
"Chocolate."
"White."
"I don't like sweets."
"Chocolate."
"I don't have a favorite."
"Polynesian."
(Teacher asks for recipe later on).
So today went a little something like this:
Teacher: "Okay, pull out the design patterns-- either the hamburger, the cupcake, or the fish....... unless you brought your own." (She looks straight at me). "You brought your own. Didn't you?"
She's learning :-)
At any rate, here was tonight's product. I didn't have time to put the handles on the stone border or add a broom on the left behind the stone, but here's product number one.
This was my first time experimenting with using soda in food. Boy oh boy, am I EVER a believer. I used it in both the cake and the chocolate filling, and it really brings out a unique and seriously fantastic taste. I was limited to the two techniques we've done in the class so far, but I would love to experiment with using gel to make a shiny curling ice in the future.
Teacher: "Get out your cookies. What did everyone bring?"
"Sugar cookies."
"Snickerdoodles." Teacher: "Ooh, I love making those." "Oh, they're from Giant. I just put them in this container to make me feel better."
"Sugar cookies. But from ShopRite."
"Sugar cookies."
"Sugar cookies. But my mom made them."
"Umm... Maple Oatmeal Chocolate Chip."
Teacher: "So who in here makes their own icing."
*Chirp... chirp*
(My hand goes up).
Teacher: "Oh good!" (and proceeds to have a conversation with me on how I make it)
Teacher: "What's everyone's favorite kind of cake?"
"Chocolate."
"White."
"I don't like sweets."
"Chocolate."
"I don't have a favorite."
"Polynesian."
(Teacher asks for recipe later on).
So today went a little something like this:
Teacher: "Okay, pull out the design patterns-- either the hamburger, the cupcake, or the fish....... unless you brought your own." (She looks straight at me). "You brought your own. Didn't you?"
She's learning :-)
At any rate, here was tonight's product. I didn't have time to put the handles on the stone border or add a broom on the left behind the stone, but here's product number one.
This was my first time experimenting with using soda in food. Boy oh boy, am I EVER a believer. I used it in both the cake and the chocolate filling, and it really brings out a unique and seriously fantastic taste. I was limited to the two techniques we've done in the class so far, but I would love to experiment with using gel to make a shiny curling ice in the future.
1.16.2012
Ehhh, I'll See Tomorra'
Today's "Cure for a Case of the Mondays" is brought to you by Mr. Brian Regan, and has been inspired by a recent and much-needed acquisition.
| Jokes.com | ||||
| Brian Regan - Get Your Eyes Checked | ||||
| ||||
1.13.2012
Here. Have Some Free Advice.
I have accumulated a vast array of knowledge in my 573 days of marriage. I would like to speak for a moment to my female readers who are still single (married womenfolk, you're next!). Here are a few valuable skills I would like to encourage you to work on before you are blessed with the gift of a husband:
1. Become an expert on at least one sport. You don't have to master all of them. It can even be Cricket.
2. Own at least one roll of quality duct tape.
3. Have a hobby that does not involve shoes or an outlet mall.
4. Learn how to not...
A) throw a football/baseball,
B) putt a golf ball, and
C) squeal at an incoming volleyball
...like a girl
5. Be able to appreciate The Godfather, Star Trek, Rocky, and/or anything with Sean Connery.
For the female readers who do happen to be married, the best thing that I can point you to is a fan-freaking-tastic book by Gary Chapman called Sacred Influence. Seriously. Get it and devour it. In a culture that belittles men and encourages women to be manipulative, this book is an absolute gem in how it encourages wives to support and influence their husbands in Godly ways.
1. Become an expert on at least one sport. You don't have to master all of them. It can even be Cricket.
2. Own at least one roll of quality duct tape.
3. Have a hobby that does not involve shoes or an outlet mall.
4. Learn how to not...
A) throw a football/baseball,
B) putt a golf ball, and
C) squeal at an incoming volleyball
...like a girl
5. Be able to appreciate The Godfather, Star Trek, Rocky, and/or anything with Sean Connery.
For the female readers who do happen to be married, the best thing that I can point you to is a fan-freaking-tastic book by Gary Chapman called Sacred Influence. Seriously. Get it and devour it. In a culture that belittles men and encourages women to be manipulative, this book is an absolute gem in how it encourages wives to support and influence their husbands in Godly ways.
1.12.2012
Kids React
One of the best television shows in history was "Kids Say the Darndest Things." (This is not an opinion). A few months ago, my husband and I came across a weekly youtube video series called "Kids React." I love how it captures kids' true personalities and quirks. Here's an example of one of our favorite episodes:
1.11.2012
1.10.2012
When It's Worth It
One of the things that I am incredibly grateful to my parents for is that they choose to make dinnertime a priority for our family. Until high school soccer decided to completely rearrange our lives for months on end, nearly all evenings included eating and talking together at the table. (Soccer still included eating and conversation, but the "table" would often be the metal bleacher bench at our feet and the conversation would most consist of commentary on the legality of the official's licensure or gentle suggestions to the ball-carrier to consider one's teammates before loss of possession).
I realize that not everyone is blessed with the time, knowledge, or resources to cook meals, but it's something that I (usually) thrive on. The creativity and artistry that goes into planning and crafting a meal or dish sends me into my happy place... until interrupted by my favorite Redskins' towel is engulfed in flames on the counter-- but that's a different story (I swear the stove was off. That burner just has it in for me).
At any rate, last Tuesday, I discussed my retirement of recipe-following (for the most part). Once you understand how flavors complement each other and the basics of preparation, close the cookbook, open the cabinet, pull out a few things, and start creating! Here are a few things that have wound up on our dinner table over the past week as a result:
Garlic Knots sans recipe. I threw a basic bread dough together, rolled it into hot dog shapes, lightly coated in olive oil, and then brushed with Parmesan, some herbs, and garlic. Next time, I'll probably use butter instead of olive oil, but I wouldn't be as quick to consider changes if I had been glued to someone else's recipe.
Thank heavens for grocery outlets. This was Pork Tenderloin that I roasted in a bunch of stuff (I think rosemary, olive oil, white wine, and some other things were involved), and surrounded with carrots, apple slices, and potatoes. I have been discovering the magic of creating gravies by deglazing with wine. Best thing ever.
Exhibit 3: Pesto-baked chicken. In the future, instead of coating the chicken with the pesto, I think I shall stuff it inside. (The whole idea of shooting up a chicken just rubs me the wrong way. I\d prefer to stuff it).
Impromptu lava cakes were a must one night. My mental conversation sounded something like this: "Hmm, I've never tried lava cakes without a recipe. I'll take a gander at a few, just in case." Five minutes later, "Eh, they all use melted chocolate. I never seem to have meltable chocolate. We finish it too fast. Screw it- I'll figure something out." And hence, here it was. It didn't rise as much as when I have made them before, but the blueberry-strawberry sauce I made with it was a fantastic addition.
In conclusion, I challenge you to look away from the cookbook, grab some stuff and stare at it for a few minutes, and then make something fabulous! (And if it's totally not fabulous, figure out how to improve it for next time!)
I realize that not everyone is blessed with the time, knowledge, or resources to cook meals, but it's something that I (usually) thrive on. The creativity and artistry that goes into planning and crafting a meal or dish sends me into my happy place... until interrupted by my favorite Redskins' towel is engulfed in flames on the counter-- but that's a different story (I swear the stove was off. That burner just has it in for me).
At any rate, last Tuesday, I discussed my retirement of recipe-following (for the most part). Once you understand how flavors complement each other and the basics of preparation, close the cookbook, open the cabinet, pull out a few things, and start creating! Here are a few things that have wound up on our dinner table over the past week as a result:
In conclusion, I challenge you to look away from the cookbook, grab some stuff and stare at it for a few minutes, and then make something fabulous! (And if it's totally not fabulous, figure out how to improve it for next time!)
1.09.2012
Regarding Life, the Universe, and Everything
We are reading through Douglas Adams' five-book "trilogy," and to hopefully give a little lift to your day, I thought I would share a couple of quotes that tickled my fancy.
From "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy:"
"In those days, spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women, and small, furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small, furry creatures from Alpha Centauri."
"But the plans were on display."
"On display? I had to go down to the cellar to find them!"
"That's the display department."
"With a torch."
"Ah, well the lights had probably gone."
"So had the stairs."
"But look, you found the notice, didn't you?"
"Yes," said Arthur, "Yes I did. It was on display in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying Beware of the Leopard."
From "The Restaurant at the End of the Universe:"
"Look," said Zaphod, "I'm up to here with cool, okay? I'm so amazingly cool, you could keep a side of meat in me for a month. I am so hip, I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis."
"You are so unhip, it's a wonder your bum doesn't fall off."
"Well, you're obviously being totally naive," said the girl. "When you've been in marketing as long as I have, you know that before any new product can be developed, it has to be properly researched. We've got to find out what people want from fire, how they relate to it, what sort of image it has for them." "Stick it up your nose," Ford said. "Which is precisely the sort of thing we need to know, insisted the girl. "Do people want fire that can be fitted nasally?"
"The ship was rocking and swaying sickeningly as Ford and Zaphod tried to wrestle control from the autopilot. The engine howled and whined like tired children in a supermarket."
From "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy:"
"In those days, spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women, and small, furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small, furry creatures from Alpha Centauri."
"But the plans were on display."
"On display? I had to go down to the cellar to find them!"
"That's the display department."
"With a torch."
"Ah, well the lights had probably gone."
"So had the stairs."
"But look, you found the notice, didn't you?"
"Yes," said Arthur, "Yes I did. It was on display in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying Beware of the Leopard."
From "The Restaurant at the End of the Universe:"
"Look," said Zaphod, "I'm up to here with cool, okay? I'm so amazingly cool, you could keep a side of meat in me for a month. I am so hip, I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis."
"You are so unhip, it's a wonder your bum doesn't fall off."
"Well, you're obviously being totally naive," said the girl. "When you've been in marketing as long as I have, you know that before any new product can be developed, it has to be properly researched. We've got to find out what people want from fire, how they relate to it, what sort of image it has for them." "Stick it up your nose," Ford said. "Which is precisely the sort of thing we need to know, insisted the girl. "Do people want fire that can be fitted nasally?"
"The ship was rocking and swaying sickeningly as Ford and Zaphod tried to wrestle control from the autopilot. The engine howled and whined like tired children in a supermarket."
1.06.2012
Geeking Out
It is a close personal belief that everyone geeks out in their own right. When I was growing up, it was not at all unheard of for dinner table discussions to be centered around internal combustion engines or hybrid vehicle technology. Dinner table discussions during college often consisted of math and physics equations because I happened to be close with friends who were crazy enough to WANT to spend their late nights hovered over a slide rule. I should note that in both of these instances, I was typically a not participant, but rather an observer whose eyes began to glaze over shortly into the conversation.
I have found that one of the greatest things about being married to the man that I am is that we often geek out over the same things. On more than one occasion, we have been known to sit in out living room... With those annoying recorder instruments that every third grader in America is forced to learn... Figuring out pop music songs.
With harmony.
And sometimes in a round.
And although our geekdom often overlaps, I've found that I simply cannot claim the same excitement for chemistry humor or the latest video of Skyrim glitches. My ignorance is slowly (very slowly) waning in some of areas in which my husband geeks out. I plan to share some of this in the future, and can hopefully give some of the women an insight into the geekyness of the male mind. Until then, live long and... and... yeah.
I have found that one of the greatest things about being married to the man that I am is that we often geek out over the same things. On more than one occasion, we have been known to sit in out living room... With those annoying recorder instruments that every third grader in America is forced to learn... Figuring out pop music songs.
With harmony.
And sometimes in a round.
And although our geekdom often overlaps, I've found that I simply cannot claim the same excitement for chemistry humor or the latest video of Skyrim glitches. My ignorance is slowly (very slowly) waning in some of areas in which my husband geeks out. I plan to share some of this in the future, and can hopefully give some of the women an insight into the geekyness of the male mind. Until then, live long and... and... yeah.
1.05.2012
Help Me-e-e Oooh...
It's official: I will be directing a four-week long summer camp for children up to fifth grade this year in Baltimore! Having said that, if you have been involved with any day camps or VBS-type programs and have any activities or themes or crazy snacks or ANYthing that stands out in your mind, I would love to hear your stories or ideas!
1.03.2012
Recipe Shmeshipe
Hello. My name is Elaine, and I have a problem. I do not follow recipes. It has been 23 days since my last recipe.
In fact, over the past year or two, my biggest cooking disappointments have been when I actually followed a recipe to the T. In light of my recent tirade against hospitality perfection, I am going to break the all-of-my-recipes-turn-out-picture-perfect-as-shown-on-my-blog mold and actually disclose a few of the cooking catastrophes that have brought me to this point.
Cheesy Cauliflower of Crap: I would like to think that my first big catastrophe happened as a result of a faulty recipe. Actually, I think it was just a matter of lack of specification. I will never actually know because I have vowed to never attempt it again. it seemed simple enough. Cheddar cheese, cauliflower, and a few other ingredients. one of which happened to be mustard. So in went the required two-tablespoons of mustard. Dry mustard. Had the recipe stated "prepared" I am sure all would be well with the world. But it didn't. And I didn't know any better. This will forever be remembered as the recipe that disproved my theory that cheese can make anything better.
Not-So-Angelic Food Cake: Over the past year, I have transitioned to purchasing and using as little processed food as possible. Around the beginning of this switch was an evening during which we decided to have a spur-of-the-moment fondue night. After completing a 5-star rated recipe online (which called for no less than twelve eggs), the entire thing wound up in the trash, pan included. The thing had smelled, felt, and tasted like a mass of rubber yuck and put me out of $1.79 worth of eggs. Thank goodness for 75-cent Target-brand angel food cake mixes.
Step Away from the Slow-Cooker: I think most people have cooking spurts at some point or another. During my crockpot spurt, I was making a meal for some friends who had recently had a baby, and said recipe included a cup of rice. It also stupidly included only 1/2 cup of water. If you know anything at all about cooking rice, you know that despite the 8 hours that it was in the magic-dinner-making-machine, you know that it wound up to be a crunchy, uncooked mess. Unfortunately I didn't discover this until I was leaving to bring it to them.
Yes Virginia, There Is Such a Thing as Bad Chocolate: The most recent flop occurred about a month ago when we had some friends over for games and dessert. I was melting some chocolate in a double boiler (as per the directions which were followed to the letter). At the end, it told me to slowly add a tablespoon of milk. I had been a little skeptical of this step, but because hundreds of reviewers claimed "BEST RECIPE EVARRRR!!" "I WILL NEVER EAT ANOTHER THING AGAIN!" "Hubby ate the whole thing before the children got any-- I guess that's a good thing, right?" I had decided that it would work. Ten seconds later, my gorgeous silky, Wonka River quality chocolate had morphed into a ball of sticky nastiness.
My view of recipes has changed greatly over the past year, but not only for these reasons. Now, when I do consult a recipe, it is used mainly as inspiration ("Hmm, I never thought of putting coconut extract in my BBQ sauce"). Cooking has become more of an art form than a science. On the occasion that something I creates causes eyes to roll into the back of our heads, I write it down (a tad oxymoronic perhaps). I will be posting them, so stay tuned!
In fact, over the past year or two, my biggest cooking disappointments have been when I actually followed a recipe to the T. In light of my recent tirade against hospitality perfection, I am going to break the all-of-my-recipes-turn-out-picture-perfect-as-shown-on-my-blog mold and actually disclose a few of the cooking catastrophes that have brought me to this point.
Cheesy Cauliflower of Crap: I would like to think that my first big catastrophe happened as a result of a faulty recipe. Actually, I think it was just a matter of lack of specification. I will never actually know because I have vowed to never attempt it again. it seemed simple enough. Cheddar cheese, cauliflower, and a few other ingredients. one of which happened to be mustard. So in went the required two-tablespoons of mustard. Dry mustard. Had the recipe stated "prepared" I am sure all would be well with the world. But it didn't. And I didn't know any better. This will forever be remembered as the recipe that disproved my theory that cheese can make anything better.
Not-So-Angelic Food Cake: Over the past year, I have transitioned to purchasing and using as little processed food as possible. Around the beginning of this switch was an evening during which we decided to have a spur-of-the-moment fondue night. After completing a 5-star rated recipe online (which called for no less than twelve eggs), the entire thing wound up in the trash, pan included. The thing had smelled, felt, and tasted like a mass of rubber yuck and put me out of $1.79 worth of eggs. Thank goodness for 75-cent Target-brand angel food cake mixes.
Step Away from the Slow-Cooker: I think most people have cooking spurts at some point or another. During my crockpot spurt, I was making a meal for some friends who had recently had a baby, and said recipe included a cup of rice. It also stupidly included only 1/2 cup of water. If you know anything at all about cooking rice, you know that despite the 8 hours that it was in the magic-dinner-making-machine, you know that it wound up to be a crunchy, uncooked mess. Unfortunately I didn't discover this until I was leaving to bring it to them.
Yes Virginia, There Is Such a Thing as Bad Chocolate: The most recent flop occurred about a month ago when we had some friends over for games and dessert. I was melting some chocolate in a double boiler (as per the directions which were followed to the letter). At the end, it told me to slowly add a tablespoon of milk. I had been a little skeptical of this step, but because hundreds of reviewers claimed "BEST RECIPE EVARRRR!!" "I WILL NEVER EAT ANOTHER THING AGAIN!" "Hubby ate the whole thing before the children got any-- I guess that's a good thing, right?" I had decided that it would work. Ten seconds later, my gorgeous silky, Wonka River quality chocolate had morphed into a ball of sticky nastiness.
My view of recipes has changed greatly over the past year, but not only for these reasons. Now, when I do consult a recipe, it is used mainly as inspiration ("Hmm, I never thought of putting coconut extract in my BBQ sauce"). Cooking has become more of an art form than a science. On the occasion that something I creates causes eyes to roll into the back of our heads, I write it down (a tad oxymoronic perhaps). I will be posting them, so stay tuned!
1.02.2012
A Cure for A Case of the Mondays
I am convinced that the rampant, irresponsible use of Autotune is proof that the tribulation is, in fact, eminent.
In rare cases, however, I do wholeheartedly support it's use-- basically when Autotune is used for any purpose that it was not originally intended for. "Autotune the News" is one such example. Here is another:
In rare cases, however, I do wholeheartedly support it's use-- basically when Autotune is used for any purpose that it was not originally intended for. "Autotune the News" is one such example. Here is another:
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)