2.16.2018

Why I Will See 3 O'Clock Twice Today

It is presently 5:16am and I have been awake for several hours.  This time, I can't blame the baby or the insomnia.  My soul is troubled.  My soul is troubled in a way that glossy-eyed scrolling through social media, dominoes on my cell phone, and watching one more cute corgi video will not distract.

In April 1999, I was a 14-year old freshman whose naive bubble got a little bit deflated when I saw headlines of a horrific school shooting that took place several states away.  I devoured two books about lives of two 17-year old Christian girls whose lives were taken in hopes of wrapping my head around any possible good that might have come out of the tragedy.

In April 2007, I was a month away from being a college graduate when Facebook notifications began rolling in from long-time friends who attended a university expressing confusion, fear, anger, and pain over their classmates' lives who were either confirmed dead by gun-shot or not yet accounted for.  A week later, my university went on lock-down when two armed suspects were spotted near the student union building.

In April 2011, I was an elementary school music teacher who had just taped construction paper over the door windows and was frantically trying to keep my 27 sixth graders quiet during the excruciatingly long intruder drill.  As police and their K-9 unit ran through the halls, shaking door handles and shouting, I found myself conflicted in reassuring the obviously fearful students that this was "just a drill" and whisper-scolding the ones whose fear masqueraded in thinly-veiled bravado and sarcasm.

It is now February 2018.  I have a daughter who is the most precious, beautiful child I have ever laid eyes on.  One day far too soon, I am going to have to have a discussion with her about the bad things that happen in the world.  Yes, we will talk about sin and the heart.  Yes, we will talk about alerting the authorities if she sees something potentially harmful.  Yes, we will talk about recognizing and taking care of your needs-- physical, emotional, and mental.  Yes, we will talk about doing the right thing and trying to protect others within your abilities.  Yes, we will talk about how it's the job of parents to raise their children to be kind and respectful toward others.  Yes, we will talk about mourning with others who are hurting.  Then, we will not only talk about praying, but we will actually pray for and with people those who are in pain.  If she wants to learn how to hunt or skeet shoot, I will absolutely educate her on gun safety.

But we will also talk about how we live in a country with elected government officials who we choose because we hope that they will help our city, state, and country be a safer place to live.  And we will talk about the fact that sometimes we have to give up things that we want or desire to do because it isn't good or safe for us or others.  And we will talk about how tradition and the excuse that "it has always been done this way" is not a good enough reason not to seek new, creative solutions to challenging problems.  And we will talk about having courage to recognize when talking is no longer enough, but action is required.

I am not ready to have those conversations and I am grateful that I do not have to yet.  For those of you who have and are currently, I will covet your knowledge and experience when that time comes.  But right now, I am going to go hold my tiny 14-pound human and watch puppy YouTube videos.

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