A Failed Institution?

During the past several days, I heard the anti-marriage voice louder than ever before. This voice screams that institution of marriage is not only antiquated, but failed. I have seen more out-of-context scripture propped up as "evidence" that the true Biblical idea of marriage included women voicelessly enslaved to their husbands, concubine-infested harems (essentially), and loveless, duty-filled relationships.

The louder this voice becomes the more my heart breaks for the precious gift that God has given us, and for the countless men and women who will never experience this wonderful gift because they misunderstand the gift's Giver. The heart of God is so clearly depicted when you look at how He really intends marriage to look:

• God said, "It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him..." Then God made woman... and brought her to the man.  For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife.  (Genesis 2) Let's break this down.  God saw that man living in solitude was not a good thing, and so He created and brought a partner for man.  Notice that God did not bring him another mother to look after the man.  In fact, the very next thing is calling that man to leave those who shepherded him to create a new life with this partner.  Today's typical in-law scenario could learn a thing or two from this verse.
• If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him. For one year he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married. (Deuteronomy 24) The more I see Old Testament laws thrown about willy-nilly as representative of the Biblical idea of marriage, the more evident it is that those who do the throwing clearly aren't reading very closely.  While I would not be all-for reinstating Ancient Mosaic law, I certainly wouldn't have minded this one!  What does this verse say of the one who wrote it?  Do any words jump out at you? "HAPPINESS" is the one that flies out at me!  Forget work or the cares of the world for a while-- newlyweds were instructed to take a year-long honeymoon!  This doesn't read "stay at home and set up the house" or "stay at home and figure out finances" or even "stay at home to pray over the marriage" (though those aren't bad things).  It called the man to be free of worldly pressures and make his wife happy.  That doesn't much resemble the "wife suppression" that seems to be the understood marital dynamic, now does it?
•  Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth; for your love is better than wine... Behold you are beautiful, my love! Behold, you are beautiful... I am sick with love. His left hand is under my head; his right hand embraces me... My beloved speaks and says to me "Arise my love, my beautiful one, and come away... let me see your face, let me hear your voice, for your voice is sweet... You are altogether beautiful- there is no flaw in you... You have captivated my heart, my sister, my bride; you have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes..." Eat, friends, drink, and be drunk with love.  (Song of Solomon) In this short book is a graphic picture of God's idea of married love looks like, and is certainly more appealing than the prevalent understanding of romance is today.  God created men and women, in marriage, to longingly desire each other- to praise each other- to be captivated by each other.  Doesn't this speak volumes about the passionate character of God-- that He thought this up?

The women in a class I am taking were talking about their marriages this week, and one of them (married forty years) was asked by another (married twelve years), "So what's your secret?" How sad it is that a successfully long marriage is viewed as a mysterious thing.  Although no one can claim that being united and committed to one person is an easy thing, I think it would be so much more sweet if we truly understood what God's idea of marriage really is and were reminded of it, often.

Marriage is not a failed institution. No, rather, I believe it has so much more to do with our watered down version- beginning with infatuation, settling into comfortable love, and at some point down the road, trying to peacefully coexist until one of you kicks the can.  Ugh.  Today's concept of marriage IS a failed institution.  What happened to "You have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes?"  We started ignoring the original idea of marriage.  That's what.